#AARTalk October edition with @iamemekanobis

EMEKA NOBIS @iamemekanobis WAS OUR LAST GUEST SPEAKER ON THE OCTOBER 
EDITION OF #AARTALK. HE SHARED ON "BIZZARE AND SEXPERVT"

Thanks to Bunmi Sobowale and the Kick Against Rape @KICKagainstRAPE team for the honour to be hosted today on #AARTalk
Today, I'll share my thoughts on BIZARRE & SEXPERVERT. I pray that my thoughts become blessings to eyes who'll feast on them.

Against the pulling of my innards to don the garb of a school teacher, I decided to tell my own personal story today. My journey towards sexual perversion began at the age of 13 when I was transferred to an all-boys secondary school. My first contact with pornography was in that school. Daily flips through volumes of magazines brought by friends got me glued. Glorified tales of sexual escapades by the so called big boys in school titillated as well as haunted us, the timid ones. We could only feed our imagination with the true or twisted tales peddled by the "actors." We couldn't verify them. The prescription for a near-taste of the real deal was masturbation. We called it "igba ncha" then. "Igba ncha" means soaping. Seeing my semen spill on the floor in my soapy hands was thrilling. I enjoyed the waves that coursed through my body. I became hooked. I tore pages from porn magazines and fed my urge in the serene and solitary confinement of my room at night. Then I progressed to porn films. I had a budget. It seemed that each film had a different dynamic to it that made it different. I enrolled into the university in 1998. Masturbation was a stress valve for the rigours of academic engineering work. Then I progressed to porn films. I had a budget. It seemed that each film had a different dynamic to it that made it different. I enrolled into the university in 1998. Masturbation was a stress valve for the rigours of academic engineering work. I'd masturbate when I met pretty girls, but couldn't toast them. Masturbation provided a safe haven to feed on their visage. I later had girlfriends successively, but I was still timid to romp in the sheets. Cat still got my tongue. Hahaha. Masturbation filled the void that the alluring taste of feminine parts could fill. Masturbation focuses on self. That year - 2002 - marked my graduation into the world of real sex. I was 22 years and raring to go. Unable to take on a coital project, a friend suggested the easy way out - visiting prostitutes. Without hassles of toasting, they were a walk-over. My first sexual penetration of a woman was with one of them. Visiting prostitutes was so thrilling that it became a daily affair. Back then, N200 could tame the throbbing in your loins. I frolicked with as many as I could. Sometimes, I enjoyed the sneer a prostitute throws when you move onto her 'colleague.' Back in school, I'd developed boldness to woo ladies. So many of them fell like trees under the magical spell of my oratory. However, I had operational guidelines - never disvirgin a girl who tells you she is, avoid church girls and married ladies Funny to say that such a twisted mind could draft such rules, but I marvel at the random benevolence of depraved minds. I got a job as a field engineer, and rented a 2-bedroom apartment in Port Harcourt. Freedom. Experimentation. Philandering. Wandering female legs rested as pilgrims in my enclave. Some I frisked their body parts, others went the whole 9 yards with me. Suffice it to say that some of them were really hurt when they found out I wasn't ready to cross the bridge with them. Some say that Christianity strips the urges for illicit sex. That's an illogical and tainted presentation of God's saving grace. I was born again, but I couldn't just rein in my urges. Sadly too, I hadn't learnt the art of talking or confidences. Suffice it to say that many times I felt horrible and cried for days. That's the hallmark of a needy soul. A few days after such sobriety, a veil of righteousness will seem to lift and a hand dragged me from its cover once more. My epiphany came when I was to get married and my fiancee demanded to know how many ladies I had ever slept with I went to work, writing down the names of all the ones I could remember. I used pseudonyms for the ones I couldn't. The ones I couldn't, I forgot about them. When I counted, they were over 100. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a jolt. Whether she wanted to conduct an exorcism of spirits of some sort, that seemingly simple act of penning names was liberating. I've been married now for 5 years. Have I had many struggles? Yes. Have I won many victories? Yes. Many. Very many of them. The thing is that there has been an increasing call to bring rapists to book. And that's fine. However, the study of the mind as regards the descent of a soul into sexual depravity as to rape someone isn't topical. I always say this. No human being is immune from the stirrings to descend into depravity. The self-righteous exaltation of some religious folks is a decimation of the place of God's grace. None is immune. Given the right conditions, an otherwise sane and saintly person can decapitate the head of morality. The thing is that we daily struggle with thoughts. The noise all around interfere with our energy signatures daily. Whether married or not, your mind is a playground for intercourse of positive and negative thoughts. The difference between you and another is giving a leeway for such intercourse to bear seeds and grow. Many married men are bombarded with thoughts of sniffing a lady's lingerie or touching the fringes of another woman's hair. As bizarre as it may sound, some Christian men desire so much to lounge amorously in the arms of their pastor's wife. Don't married men get stirred by the gorgeous backside of shapely women or titillated by the voluptuous cleavages of bosoms? Marriage isn't a ticket that ferries you away from the island of amorous thoughts, contrary to what many preach. Somebody asked me sometime ago if I ever regret the past. Yes, I do. Do I let it define my future? No. Stewing in regrets is like looking to see my countenance on the surface of muddy and troubled waters. Workable? No! In addition to being a student of biblical apologetics and hermeneutics, I'm also a student of psychotherapy now. By redefining the meanings I give to past events, my mind is rewired to produce meaningful events now and in the future. Climbing out of the pit of sexual depravity isn't a walk in the park. Suffice it so that you can't walk that path alone. As a Christian, filling your thoughts with God's words is truly a healing exercise. That's one way, if you're a Christian. Learning the art of confidences during therapy is another. You need to see a psychotherapist. By such reassessment and realignment, you become free to live the future. If you're in this pit, know that you're not alone. The universality of suffering and struggle helps us tackle life's issues. A pregnant woman knows that others undergo pain during childbirth. That alone gives her the strength to push on Know that the invasion of thoughts of sexual debauchery isn't a sin. Neither is it your fault. Denouncing my sexual stirrings is making mincemeat of my humanity. That's guilt-tripping myself. Perversion can lead to depression, anxiety, marital failures, sexually transmitted diseases and many others. However, don't deal with the symptoms. Deal with root cause - your perversion. You need help! Are you in this pit? You can be helped. Contact the @KICKagainstRAPE team. We don't want to see you caged in darkness. No matter the depth you've plunged into, healing is possible. Lara @LaraKudayisi, Sam Obafemi @sobafemi, Praise @praisefowowe and Nike @NikeAdedokun are able to help you. Your decision tonight is the logic of your transformation and reformation. Thanks to Kick Against Rape @KICKagainstRAPE for hosting me tonight. God bless you all for being part of it.

Emeka Nobis is a Writer & Thought Leader. Author, UNCHURCHED. He raises exceptional thought and organizational leaders. You can connect with him on twitter............