DEAR PARENT

Dear parent train up your child don’t allow that child pass through what you pass through as a child, because a lot of parent had passed through sexual abuses, but most of them are shying away from it, which is not meant to be. You need to face it and address it before it re-occurs. You have the power to stop it from re-occurring, and becoming a generational occurrence.

Dear parent when a foundation is faulty, It will always affects the building.

Dear Parent how are you laying the foundation for your child?

Dear parent, the foundation of a child has a lot to do with parenting, parenting in the right way and attitude.

Dear parent remember the sacrifice you made before you brought the child into the world.

Dear parent remember the sleepless night you had when they were babies..

Dear parent decisions are earthquake, watch and think twice on the decisions you make for your child.

Dear parent be a role-model that your child can model. And mold up your child to become a role-model others will want to model.

Dear parents please dedicate more time to that child and learn to make sacrifices.

Dear parent I believe God must have had trust in you to have entrusted you to care for that child, the big question is, are you not betraying that trust?

Dear parent remember you are a caretaker to that child. But are you really caring for that child?

Dear parent you need to stand and guide that child as a bodyguard. Let me ask you. Are you?

Dear parent parenting can be a herculean task. But there are things you can do to be of great help to that child.

Dear parent as a result you need to be more vigilant than you have ever been.

I will share on some tips that can help in parenting a child also help in being a responsible parent to that child in our next post.

THE SILENT CRY OF A CHILD

I am innocent, I am naïve and gullible, I am a child . But my heart is burdened. There is something not right about the way this adult touches me. All I feel are pains, pains that consume me. And I asked myself why he was doing that to me? I couldn't find an answer, so all I did was just to lay there watching him play with me. Yes, that's what he said, that he was just playing with me. This adult is someone close to me. Why was he hurting me this way? What did I do wrong? Why is he inflicting my body with pains? I don't deserve this, I don't like the way this is making me feel. I cried.

One day I got the courage and asked him what was he doing to me and why was he doing it. He carried me on his laps, calmed me down, told me he loved me and promised to do anything I wanted, like buying me toys and giving me money. But he gave me an ultimatum that I must not let anyone know what he does to me, not even my mum and dad. He said that it was for my own good or I would die. Die? No! I didn't want to die, so I kept quiet.

Mum and dad leave very early and come back very late. The only time I get to see them is at weekends. Still they don't really have my time. I almost wanted to tell them what the adult was doing to me, but cat got my tongue. When I remember what the adult had told me I kept it all to myself. Every night before I go to sleep, I try to wait for mum and dad, but eventually I end up sleeping off. He takes me to my room, and starts doing that thing that leaves me in pains. I just stay glued to my bed and watch him. Please let him stop. I can't stand this pains. They are tearing me apart. What is this adult doing to me? I cry inside of me silently.

Child sexual abuse is the silent cry of a child, a cry that destroys the heart, tampering with childhood dreams. A lot of children are crying this cry. Some more will likely cry if nothing is done to stop it. This silent killer is eating deep into the destinies of most children.

Child sexual abuse is a form of sexual activity in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation.

It can also be defined as when an adult uses his or her will-power to engage a child in any sexual pleasure.

A person that sexually abuse a child is called a paedophiles/predators. They feed on the child sexually.

Statistics has it that over 90% of child sexual abuse are well known to the victims.

30% are members of the family.
60% are friends of the family.
10% are strangers.

It is believed that there is tendency that children within the age bracket of 5-18 will experience this silent killer called child sexual abuse and molestation. Children suffering abuse develop a range of mal-adaptive, anti social and self-destructive behavior(physical/emotional) and thoughts by trying to cope with the abuse and trying to understand what they can't fathom.

This silent killer kills a child silently and gradually, and ends up leaving them with effects. When a child experiences sexual abuse or molestation, that child's world comes crashing down, and he or she will have to respond to it one way or the other. This abuse takes away from the child and makes the child feel lost among her peer group. It can occur in a variety of settings, including home, schools or work(in places where child labour is common).

Let me talk about the behavioural and psychological effects your child will face when he or she is being sexually abused or molested. When that child is experiencing sexual abuse or molestation, there are behavioural/psychological effects that it will leave on that child. And these effects can leave wounds that will run skin deep in that child's life.

EFFECTS

The child will show unsual fear of a certain place or location. Parents, be watchful, when your child does not want to go to a certain place or location, there must definitely be a reason for such. It's your call to investigate why it is so.

That child will have unexplained periods of panic, which may be as a result of flashbacks from the abuse. This is very detrimental to a child. In this case you are advised to seek further help for that child - like seeing a psychologist.

Tendency of being isolated, withdrawn, depressed and alone. This can rob and kill their childhood memories. As a result they withdraw from their mates and peer groups because they don't feel free with them. They are mostly quiet and moody, and love to stay in isolated place, wanting to be all by themselves. Children are known to be playful, but the moment they start wanting to be all by themselves, you should sense something is wrong. Address it fast.

When they start indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person may mean they have trust issues and fear. Watch your child when he or she does not want to hang around when a particular person is around, there is something about that person that displeases your child. It's your duty to know the reason.

They show aggressive behaviour towards family members, teachers, friends, among others. They start exhibiting anger traits because they feel no one understands what they are going through and as a result they become rebellious.

They withdraw from previously enjoyable activities. They stop deriving pleasure in what they loved doing before. They detest almost everything around them. Their academic performances drop drastically because they tend to think a lot.

Their mind is occupied with suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts. They don't feel like existing or being alive anymore.

Asking ununsual questions about human sexuality and drawing sexual pictures or images.

Don't want to change clothes before their peers. They are always reluctant to dress. And they also cry excessively.

Self-mutilation and avoiding people touching them.

Sexually acting out on younger children and sexual behaviour or knowledge beyond years. There is a tendency for them to try and abuse other children as well, trying out what happened to them.

Parents, how do you hear the silent cry of your child? Through their actions. Action they say speaks louder than words. From their actions you can get words out of their mouth and act. Be calculative and very watchful by reading your child well. I believe you should know your child better. If you sense a change in him or her, it's time for proper action. Help that innocent child today from sexual abuse, by helping them to uncry their silent cry.

I will stop here today. Will talk about the short-term and long-term effects next time.

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19th May, 2014

SCAR DO TALK

A scar is an evidence of a wound. And the wound could be physical or non-physical. Scars show us where we have been on our life's journey. Scars always leave us with memories to hold on to. And the memories vary - some are deep and painful, some are not. In all they leave us with memories that cannot be forgotten.

What memories have your scars left you with? How painful are the memories? Most of all, what are you doing with those memories? Think and ponder on this.

In life you have the power of choice; the power to make decisions positively or negatively concerning what you passed through or are still passing through as a human.  You have the choice to either rise from your fall or lay still where you have fallen. The choice lies in your hand. Life will knock you down, give you blows and punches in the boxing ring but you've got to stand tall and face life. No matter how life knocks you down, get back up and show it the stuff God has put inside of you. Stand tall and face your giants in life no matter how tall they stand before you. This is because there is also a giant in you, who must rise up within you.

"Life is not fair", they say. Yes, life is not always fair; it throws problems, challenges, and trials, troubles at you without informing you or giving you any notice. It just comes unannounced and knocks you down. But you don’t have to stay down no matter how hard it knocks you down. You have to learn how to challenge your challenges in life.

Scars help us to see life's magnificence. It helps us see life in its different dimensions. It helps us to understand other people's pains. We will never be able to understand other people's pain if we have not passed through what they have passed through in life. Don’t allow your scars to scare you; face them and let them minister to you. It is then you can find the boldness and stability to minister your grace to others that are scarred and scared and you will automatically become a blessing.

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RAPE HAVOC

Rape can be defined as the act of forcefully engaging someone in a sexual act, against their will or without their consent. .
 
rape has a connection with force and it is a form of sexual assault which has a dehumanizing and evil effect that never leaves a victim the same. Its traumatizing nature has made it difficult for people to get healed over time though some never get over it because of the scar it leave on victims.
 
This act overtime on victims who do not have the will power to overcome the trauma have had to dent the progress which they would have naturally experienced, the effect of these is that destinies are either delayed or destroyed.
 
We cannot over emphasis the negative effect of rape on victims. The effect of loss of identity and low self-esteem has been one of the major effect that needs to be dealt with before going further in helping victims of Rape. This evil act of rape destroys individual and if not put in check that individual can destroy a family, and the effect of that on family will translate to the society and then the Nation at large. Perhaps this may be the reason for the many rape cases we have around today, many homes today are suffering because of this major disaster. Take for example a woman who got raped and got married, there is every tendency that she will take out the anger and the pain on her husband if she is not healed from the experience, and that family might never know peace as a result of the experience. A child that got raped also have the tendency of being rebellious to the parent and will never give the parent peace of mind. This evil act is a major destroyer in homes.
 
The only reason why rape happens is because an individual mind is perverted to perform the function of a rapist and that is to rape. A lot of rapists do not really know the havoc they cause when they rape people, taking advantage of someone body with violence. They only think of the pleasure they want to derive during that forceful act, forgetting that no one enjoys being rape.  A  Rapist mind-set is wicked and evil, he carries out this act out in his mind first before turning it into action. And if he succeeds doing this with his mind, he will also succeed in his action.
 
A lot of victims have committed suicide because they were raped. The prostitute that you see on the road and you judge, could it have occurred to you that she might have been raped. Yes many prostitute are victims of rape and as a result of the ordeal they made a choice to go into that profession because they felt so used, dirty and lost and may feel that’s the place they belong.
 
The same goes to drug addicts, some are victims of rape through, and made a choice to medicate that horrible Feelings with drugs. Same applies to some patients in psychatric hospital,  because they could not cope with the memories their experiences left on them, to the extent that it made them go berseck and insane and became condemned in a psychatric home. While some became armed robbers because of the anger that springed up due to their experiences and in one way or another decided to pay the society back with their act. Different strokes for different being.

A lot of people that we judge are majorly victims of circumstances. 

The same way women get raped, men also get raped.
 
Rape need to be addressed, because its eating deeply into our society, that if not look into appropriately, it can lead to a major catastrophe and destruction.
 
LET US JOIN HANDS TOGETHER AND CAMPAIGN AGAINST RAPE BEFORE IT BECOMES A GENERATIONAL DESTROYER. 

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MAKING A NAME OUT OF YOUR SCAR

Name + your scars=PURPOSE

NAME-You

SCAR-Problems/Challenges/Trials/etc

STAR-Testimony/Results

The above illustration signifies that we should learn how to bring out Testimony/Results from our scars no matter how we have been scarred. 

God uses our scars to talk to us personally, and we must be ready to give a listening ear to be able to hear the message our scars is passing to us and take lessons from it in other for us to be able to pass the message out to others. 

Our scars are labelled with our name, it simply means no one will go through your problem for you, you will have to go through it by yourself and come out of it as a victor, only then will your test become a Testimony. 

Scars are God's way of testing us and using us. Don’t allow your circumstances /situation stop or affect who God has created and called you to be in life. Accept your scars and be good to them, quit complaining about them, they have come to fulfill their purpose. 

Purpose are birth out of your scars like the way a mother births out a child into the world. They can help us live a life of impact, they also help in making us become who God has called us to be in life. But it’s a pity that most people give up on their scars, to the extent that many have committed suicide because they were scared of their scars. Our scars are connected to our destiny in life. We shouldn’t be ashamed of it or place our destiny on hold because we were scared. Rather than feel bad about it give it a name that will speak for you. 

God knows us by our name and not by our shame, he has interest in our scars in order for him to show that he can bring sense out of our nonsense. Your inspiration must be ready to be backed-up with your perspiration (Proof). Look and see beyond your scars, work on how you can re-arrange your scars in order for it to become a star, for no star will shine without darkness. And our darkness are our scars experience. Yes your scars can become a star. God can bring out fame out of your shame and give you a big name in order to shame the enemy/Devil.Your scars can be the difference maker in someone's life sending them in a whole new direction in life. So tell me, What are you going to with your scars? 

DOSAGE FOR PARENTS

I promised to share some tips that can be of help to parents on the "Dear parent" write-up the last time it was posted.

Remember, your children are a reflection of who you are, so who are you as a parent?

The joy of having children is how they are raised. How well do you raise your child/children?

Will like to serve you the tips today to honour a special day for children, which is the "Children's day."

Parents you need to be goofy with your child/children. Be friend your child/children and become there best friend.

Learn about your child/children interests, for example favorite music, activities and show interest in them.

Notice when that child is mostly likely to talk to you, for example at bed times, before dinner, in the car and please make sure you are available to listen.

Have intimate conversation with your child/children by sharing what you have been thinking about, rather than beginning a conversation with a question. This can make a child shy away or avoid answering the question.

Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.

Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear. Let them complete their statement.

Talk to your child/children, don’t lecture, criticize, shout on them, threaten or say hurtful things to them. It can contribute in damaging their self-esteem.

Enlighten them on sex education, when they are aware of their body parts.

Find time each week for a one on one activity with your child/children and avoid scheduling other activities during that time. It helps in making them have a sense of belonging.

Be open to your child/children, don’t just tell them the good stuffs about you only, share some of the bad ones too and let them know the lessons you learnt there.

Don't leave your child/children alone with house helps. If you have to do it make sure your presence is there.

Don't always leave your child/children alone with your relatives or friends. You only know your heart, you don’t know others.

Always look out for traces of withdrawal signs from your child/children and address it on time before it’s too late.

Do pay a visit to your child/children school. And get to know who your child/children mixes with and that also includes the teacher(s) as well.

Monitor their activities, especially on the internet. Your child/children can get access to pedophiles on the internet. And that can be detrimental.

Express your opinion without putting down theirs, acknowledge is okay to disagree. But you must make sure the issue at hand is tackled.

Allow them to complete their point before you respond, in other to get words out of their mouth. Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly. That way they will devote more attention to you.

Don't allow anyone else bathe your child, not even your house helps, make sure you do it yourself. The house helps are the major actors and actresses of sexual abuse/molestation and assault, you will be surprise what goes on in your absent when they are left alone with your child/children.

Be spiritually connected to your children, pray for them and decree on them. Mold their lives with your prayer. Cultivate the habit of calling out their names out in prayers.

Help build confidence and self-esteem in your child/children. You can achieve this by decorating their lives with positive affirmation.

Engage the guardian angel of your child/children (or do you not know they have one?) Engage their activities, so that they can help guide and watch over your child/children. They can do the work of a bodyguard to your child/children.

Do you know that if you don’t relate with your child/children inside, people will help you relate with them outside.

I hope you enjoy and will put all this tips have shared into practice?

Let your child/children be grateful to have you as a parent.

And we use this children's day as a point of contact to the freedom of our Chibok girls to be brought back alive to us hale, sound and hearty.#BringBackOurGirls

WAKE UP CALL

Child sexual abuse is becoming the order of the day. This should serve as a wake-up call to parents  to fasten and tighten their seat-belts. As a parent you are a caretaker to your children. You must be willing and  ready to take responsibility for their well-being  because that’s  your call of duty.

Under-aged children, teenagers, among others are being sexually molested by predators and paedophiles. They are being molested - abused and raped -  in schools, homes and by people they are familiar with. People they can easily trust are betraying their trust by sexually abusing them. Exposing these children to a lot of negativity/danger.  A lot of parents find it hard to believe that this goes on in their homes. They turn deaf ears to it and beautify their selves with pretence whereas these issues can always be addressed.

This problem needs to be visited and dealt with from the root. The root cause is parenting. As a parent, how are you taking charge of your child’s upbringing? Are you responsible or irresponsible?. Many parents leave their children in the hands of masked predators and paedophiles, all in the name of helping them look after their children. These people help them take care of their children due to their busy schedules which they can always plan well or reschedule.

Examples of people they leave their children with are house helps, relations and friends. These people live under the pretence of loving these children and gain access into their lives and begin to feed on them like parasites. They poison and threaten their minds to the extent of buying their silence. Some go to the extent of bribing them with gifts, while some go as far as saying dreadful or hurting things to them by blackmailing them. Can you imagine blackmailing a child? This is one the major reasons why children find it difficult to voice out their pains.

  A lot of parents are ignorant about child abuse. While some are not, they decide to shy away from it.  Some address it  in other to avoid a generational occurrence because they have been victims. Failing to discharge your parental responsibilities to your children will have you answer to the giver of those children because he will surely ask about their upbringing from you. What will be your answer? 

 

You have the time and opportunity now to become the kind of parent your maker wants you to be to your child. Don't waste it so as not to have regrets later in life. Take the bull by the horn, address what you have left unaddressed in the lives of your children. Be there to take care of them. Let your presence be more than your presents and help them to feel loved and appreciated.

 Don't allow anyone destroy the future of your child. Don't allow anyone plant any evil seed in your child's life by sexually abusing them if you don't want your child to pluck evil fruits as a result.
Succeeding in other areas of your life, but failing as a parent is no way to succeed at all. You must first be successful as a parent. Then, success will magnetize every other aspect of your life. Remember your first ministry starts in your home.

  A word, they say, is enough for the wise, if the wise makes a choice not to be foolish and become a person of wisdom.


Parent, talk to yourself parent. This is a wake-up call to wake you up from your slumber.

RAPE HAVOC

Rape can be defined as the act of forcefully engaging someone in a sexual act, against their will or without a verbal consent. No means no!
  
Rape has a connection with force and it is a form of sexual assault which has a dehumanizing and evil effect that never leaves a victim the same. Its traumatizing nature has made it difficult for people to get healed over time though some never get over it because of the scar it leave on victims.
 
This act overtime on victims who do not have the will power to overcome the trauma have had to dent the progress which they would have naturally experienced, the effect of these is that destinies are either delayed or destroyed.
 
We cannot over emphasis the negative effect of rape on victims. The effect of loss of identity and low self-esteem has been one of the major effect that needs to be dealt with before going further in helping victims of Rape. This evil act of rape destroys individual and if not put in check that individual can destroy a family, and the effect of that on family will translate to the society and then the Nation at large. Perhaps this may be the reason for the many rape cases we have around today, many homes today are suffering because of this major disaster. Take for example a woman who got raped and got married, there is every tendency that she will take out the anger and the pain on her husband if she is not healed from the experience, and that family might never know peace as a result of the experience. A child that got raped also have the tendency of being rebellious to the parent and will never give the parent peace of mind. This evil act is a major destroyer in homes.
 
The only reason why rape happens is because an individual mind is perverted to perform the function of a rapist and that is to rape. A lot of rapists do not really know the havoc they cause when they rape people, taking advantage of someone body with violence. They only think of the pleasure they want to derive during that forceful act, forgetting that no one enjoys being rape.  A  Rapist mind-set is wicked and evil, he carries out this act out in his mind first before turning it into action. And if he succeeds doing this with his mind, he will also succeed in his action.
 
A lot of victims have committed suicide because they were raped. The prostitute that you see on the road and you judge, could it have occurred to you that she might have been raped. Yes many prostitute are victims of rape and as a result of the ordeal they made a choice to go into that profession because they felt so used, dirty and lost and may feel that’s the place they belong.
 
The same goes to drug addicts, some are victims of rape through, and made a choice to medicate that horrible Feelings with drugs. Same applies to some patients in psychatric hospital,  because they could not cope with the memories their experiences left on them, to the extent that it made them go berseck and insane and became condemned in a psychatric home. While some became armed robbers because of the anger that springed up due to their experiences and in one way or another decided to pay the society back with their act. Different strokes for different being.

A lot of people that we judge are majorly victims of circumstances. 

The same way women get raped, men also get raped.
 
Rape need to be addressed, because its eating deeply into our society, that if not look into appropriately, it can lead to a major catastrophe and destruction.
 
LET US JOIN HANDS TOGETHER AND CAMPAIGN AGAINST RAPE BEFORE IT BECOMES A GENERATIONAL DESTROYER. 

Making A Name Out Of Your Scar

Making A Name Out Of  Your Scar

Name + your scars=PURPOSE

NAME-You

SCAR-Problems/Challenges/Trials/etc

STAR-Testimony/Results

The above illustration signifies that we should learn how to bring out Testimony/Results from our scars no matter how we have been scarred.

SCAR DO TALK

 

SCAR DO TALK

A scar is an evidence of a wound. And the wound could be physical or non-physical. Scars show us where we have been on our life's journey. Scars always leave us with memories to hold on to. And the memories vary - some are deep and painful, some are not. In all they leave us with memories that cannot be forgotten.

What memories have your scars left you with? How painful are the memories? Most of all, what are you doing with those memories? Think and ponder on this.

In life you have the power of choice; the power to make decisions positively or negatively concerning what you passed through or are still passing through as a human.  You have the choice to either rise from your fall or lay still where you have fallen. The choice lies in your hand. Life will knock you down, give you blows and punches in the boxing ring but you've got to stand tall and face life. No matter how life knocks you down, get back up and show it the stuff God has put inside of you. Stand tall and face your giants in life no matter how tall they stand before you. This is because there is also a giant in you, who must rise up within you.

"Life is not fair", they say. Yes, life is not always fair; it throws problems, challenges, and trials, troubles at you without informing you or giving you any notice. It just comes unannounced and knocks you down. But you don’t have to stay down no matter how hard it knocks you down. You have to learn how to challenge your challenges in life.

Scars help us to see life's magnificence. It helps us see life in its different dimensions. It helps us to understand other people's pains. We will never be able to understand other people's pain if we have not passed through what they have passed through in life. Don’t allow your scars to scare you; face them and let them minister to you. It is then you can find the boldness and stability to minister your grace to others that are scarred and scared and you will automatically become a blessing and bless lives.