#AARTalk August edition with @EstherIjewere

ESTHER IJEWERE WAS OUR 3RD GUEST SPEAKER ON THE AUGUST EDITION OF #AARTALK. SHE SHARED ON "RAPE ISSUES."

Today i will be talking about "Rape Issues" in general, from common feelings in Victims to things to / NOT to say to a Rape Victims 

 Common Feelings in Rape Victims - 1. Anger ; Rape victims are some of the most intensely angry people.

Rape Victims are often angry about people's attitudes who look upon rape as a sexual crime instead of a crime of violence

Dirty -Rape victims doesn't feel clean,they feel contaminated n degraded.Despite numerous bathing,d rape victim cannot feel clean

Hopeless - Rape victims feel unhappy and productive,they feel robbed of the tangibles that make life worth living.

Guilty - Most Rape victims blame themselves for being Raped, so many "If's" and "Why me". The guilt eats deep into their soul

Fear -They fear everyone and everything. Sleep comes reluctantly. For Rape victims they live life on the edge.

Now that we have discussed common feelings in Rape victims , let's talk about "Things Not To Say To Someone Who Has Been Raped"

Fear - The rape victim's loss is profound.They feel less than whole. Most don't have the will to live again out fear

"Were you drunk?" "What were you wearing?" "Men can't be raped." "It's your fault." "Why aren't you getting over this faster

#ThingsNOTtosaytoRapeVictims: "You were leading him/her on." "You shouldn't report it"

#ThingsNOTtosaytoRapeVictims "You're wallowing." "That wasn't rape." "You were leading him/her on." You're overreacting."

#Things To Say To Someone Who Has Been Raped: "I believe you." "I'm so sorry this happened to you." "This is not your fault."

#ThingstosaytosomeonewhohasbeenRaped: "How can I help?" "Would you like me to find a support group for you?"

#ThingstosaytoRapeVictims: "I'm here if you want to talk." "I'm here even if you don't want to talk." "You are not alone."

Sometimes the only healing they need is someone believing their story and not judging them for what happened. it's called LOVE.

 I am now ready to take questions.

 The words we say to Rape victims have the power to heal them or make them bitter forever.

 Yes we do. @CSAPrevention @ProjectalertVaw @DSVRT @walk_rapeng @KICKagainstRAPE @StandtoEndRape

 for indviduals you can talk to @Bunmi_Sobowale @AyodejiOsowobi @SuperGirlTimidi @CessoKay and me. 

Someone asked this via DM : " Should one be honest about rape to partners" My answer is YES! A good hearted partner would understand

our partner shouldn't judge, blame or make you feel less human for being a victim of RAPE. it wasn't your fault

If or she breaks up with you because u were raped then that partner never cared about you.Being a victim does not make u less human

No one asked to be Raped, so don't judge anyone for being a victim of such an horrible ordeal.

Forgive, Don't blame yourself, Move on, Live life to the fullest and above all become a SURVIVOR and not a Victim

I used the word "Partner" instead of just "she" or "he" because RAPE is a two way traffic, Men get Raped too. it can happen to anyone

If you need more knowledge on Rape and how to get help, get a copy of my information Handbook on Rape

Depends,if the person is angry and shows signs of withdrawal and bitterness then you can ask questions just to be clear. 

 Thanks for having me. You are doing a good job.




Esther Ijewere is a Fellow @VitalVoices | Activist| Youth Advocate| Author | Social Entrepreneur | PR Consultant | Wife | Mother |#RubiesInk | @Walk_Rapeng |#ProjectCapable