FEMI JACOBS @FemiJACOBS WAS OUR 4TH GUEST SPEAKER ON THE SEPTEMBER EDITION OF #AARTALK. HE SHARED ON "PEER PRESSURE ISSUES"
I am deeply honoured to have been invited to grace this platform. I've seen the insights shared so far. Blessed @Bunmi_Sobowale @KICKagainstRAPE
I am not focusing on rape only tonight but sexual violence and violent crimes against women in general.
Rape is criminal. We all know this. But I'm not sure all men understand. There is NO justification for violating another human being.
I've heard people blame loose dressing and the likes. But a crime is a choice the criminal makes.
I have been asked a few troubling questions lately. Can one rape one's own wife (spouse)? Oh yes. Technically and actually.
Have you ever heard someone speak and you've gone 'hmmm, this dude sounds funny.'? That they need to get help? I have.
Is there anything like an accidental rapist? Well, a person may be disposed to sexual violence with them being consciously aware.
Let's understand that those of us who preach or those in advocacy of any kind are not perfect. Talking and sharing is how we grow.
This isn't male bashing, just truly & honestly worried about the quality of the male psyche. Africa has been dangerously patriarchal.
Funny how others can see things in you that you cannot see in your own self. The signs are always there if we are honest.
About patriarchy, we are still in denial. Or we just pick holes in the arguments of its opponents. There's a mind issue here.
If we are honest we'd admit that we have to rise to the idea of respect for the opposite sex. It is indeed something we have to learn.
It's glaring in the way we talk. In the things we applaud. In the way we are organized. In "gender roles."
We were raised defectively in this regard. Please be patient with me. This we must first understand so we can rise above it.
If we struggle to not see women as mere sexual toys as men, it is understandable, but it is inexcusable to remain in that state.
Contrary to the culture, no shame that we have issues. But to cover up weakness with the cloak of masculinity is dangerous indeed.
You cannot wish yourself out of this dangerous mentality. If gender inequality is engrained in you, get help.
Sexual offenders are normal people but with twisted minds. It takes just a twist. But it's enough.
I'm told to talk about peer pressure as it relates to how it may be a factor in the mental state of a rapist or a violent offender.
No time for definitions. But we are all susceptible to the pressure our society mounts through those we closely associate with.
How susceptible are we as men and how is this a key factor in reinforcing some old, defective and dangerous beliefs around gender?
There are only 3 major sources of education as it relates to how to act around sexuality - Parents, friends, religious authorities.
We are mostly alert around our formal educational channels. But we are mentally lazy around friends, parents & religious leaders.
Let's just be blunt - never be friends with anyone who doesn't respect YOU, GOD, and WOMEN.
I once had lunch with someone who was about to be married. I ask the why his fiancee didn't come. He says "she's not welcome where men are."
I've repeated that story several times and I've been thoroughly told that its common place in our society.
This sort of reasoning is prevalent. Among educated and deeply religious people.
Pick your God, your wife and your friend. Your company determines your destiny. Bad things spread faster.
The marriage I referred to earlier has since ended. I'm not saying I know what happened. We can only guess.
If a friend challenges your core values, stay away from them no matter how sweet and powerful they are.
Choosing your company and influence is as far as your free will goes. Beyond that act of free will, it is a free.
But beyond staying away from toxic people, how can we help?
I've seen people argue with people who believe like this. It's fruitless. You can't argue them out of what they were trained into.
We should all examine ourselves to see if we secretly harbor sexist opinions and sentiments and find help if this exists.
I don't have the time but we can try a few quips. Firstly, we won't run out of jokes is we stopped laughing to sexist ones.
Are you sad you lost out to someone else competitively or you're sadder it was to a woman? Not a convenient thought but an issue.
Are you angry a wrong was done to you or you are angrier a woman did it? This seems trivial but it's enough red flag.
Obviously this is a conversation. It won't end. And you won't agree with all I said. But we can talk.
Don't take marital advise from me the unmarried. Neither should you from someone on his 10th pint of beer in a pub at 11pm.
Hear your friend's tales until you hear the part where he slapped his wife. Tell him it's a NO NO. Or you'll be doing it soon too.
Men and women are different, but equal. If this challenges you, reach out until you understand it.
Thanks for having me Bunmi, more grace.
Femi Jacobs is a multiple award winning actor, a motivator, musician and a creative entrepreneur. Follow him on twitter.......
I am deeply honoured to have been invited to grace this platform. I've seen the insights shared so far. Blessed @Bunmi_Sobowale @KICKagainstRAPE
I am not focusing on rape only tonight but sexual violence and violent crimes against women in general.
Rape is criminal. We all know this. But I'm not sure all men understand. There is NO justification for violating another human being.
I've heard people blame loose dressing and the likes. But a crime is a choice the criminal makes.
I have been asked a few troubling questions lately. Can one rape one's own wife (spouse)? Oh yes. Technically and actually.
Have you ever heard someone speak and you've gone 'hmmm, this dude sounds funny.'? That they need to get help? I have.
Is there anything like an accidental rapist? Well, a person may be disposed to sexual violence with them being consciously aware.
Let's understand that those of us who preach or those in advocacy of any kind are not perfect. Talking and sharing is how we grow.
This isn't male bashing, just truly & honestly worried about the quality of the male psyche. Africa has been dangerously patriarchal.
Funny how others can see things in you that you cannot see in your own self. The signs are always there if we are honest.
About patriarchy, we are still in denial. Or we just pick holes in the arguments of its opponents. There's a mind issue here.
If we are honest we'd admit that we have to rise to the idea of respect for the opposite sex. It is indeed something we have to learn.
It's glaring in the way we talk. In the things we applaud. In the way we are organized. In "gender roles."
We were raised defectively in this regard. Please be patient with me. This we must first understand so we can rise above it.
If we struggle to not see women as mere sexual toys as men, it is understandable, but it is inexcusable to remain in that state.
Contrary to the culture, no shame that we have issues. But to cover up weakness with the cloak of masculinity is dangerous indeed.
You cannot wish yourself out of this dangerous mentality. If gender inequality is engrained in you, get help.
Sexual offenders are normal people but with twisted minds. It takes just a twist. But it's enough.
I'm told to talk about peer pressure as it relates to how it may be a factor in the mental state of a rapist or a violent offender.
No time for definitions. But we are all susceptible to the pressure our society mounts through those we closely associate with.
How susceptible are we as men and how is this a key factor in reinforcing some old, defective and dangerous beliefs around gender?
There are only 3 major sources of education as it relates to how to act around sexuality - Parents, friends, religious authorities.
We are mostly alert around our formal educational channels. But we are mentally lazy around friends, parents & religious leaders.
Let's just be blunt - never be friends with anyone who doesn't respect YOU, GOD, and WOMEN.
I once had lunch with someone who was about to be married. I ask the why his fiancee didn't come. He says "she's not welcome where men are."
I've repeated that story several times and I've been thoroughly told that its common place in our society.
This sort of reasoning is prevalent. Among educated and deeply religious people.
Pick your God, your wife and your friend. Your company determines your destiny. Bad things spread faster.
The marriage I referred to earlier has since ended. I'm not saying I know what happened. We can only guess.
If a friend challenges your core values, stay away from them no matter how sweet and powerful they are.
Choosing your company and influence is as far as your free will goes. Beyond that act of free will, it is a free.
But beyond staying away from toxic people, how can we help?
I've seen people argue with people who believe like this. It's fruitless. You can't argue them out of what they were trained into.
We should all examine ourselves to see if we secretly harbor sexist opinions and sentiments and find help if this exists.
I don't have the time but we can try a few quips. Firstly, we won't run out of jokes is we stopped laughing to sexist ones.
Are you sad you lost out to someone else competitively or you're sadder it was to a woman? Not a convenient thought but an issue.
Are you angry a wrong was done to you or you are angrier a woman did it? This seems trivial but it's enough red flag.
Obviously this is a conversation. It won't end. And you won't agree with all I said. But we can talk.
Don't take marital advise from me the unmarried. Neither should you from someone on his 10th pint of beer in a pub at 11pm.
Hear your friend's tales until you hear the part where he slapped his wife. Tell him it's a NO NO. Or you'll be doing it soon too.
Men and women are different, but equal. If this challenges you, reach out until you understand it.
Thanks for having me Bunmi, more grace.
Femi Jacobs is a multiple award winning actor, a motivator, musician and a creative entrepreneur. Follow him on twitter.......
No comments:
Post a Comment