PRAISE FOWOWE @praisefowowe WAS OUR 3RD GUEST SPEAKER ON THE SEPTEMBER EDITION OF #AARTALK. HE SHARED ON "SEXUAL ABUSE ISSUES"
I am so excited to be here sharing with men on this platform.
I have always believed the problem of the world is an adult but the solution is a child.
On that note I’d like to appreciate Bunmi for this great platform where healing is made possible.
I have been asked to speak on the subject of child sexual abuse in the boys to men’s series.
How do you explain a man’s uncontrollable appetite for sexual activities that never seems to abate?
How do you explain a husband who gets angry at will and descends on his wife.
How do you understand a man who never opens up to anyone on anything.
How do you salvage a man who goes through depression yet never gives a clue because men are not meant to cry?
This is not to excuse men’s irresponsibility but an attempt to shed more light on what we have overlooked.
In my work as a professional counselor & a master practitioner of NLP I meet loads of people going through stuff.
And some have done all sorts without getting the required help by those who have sought to help.
All the men I have met have the same in common and that was also applicable to me until I got help.
What they all had in common was the fact that they had a man’s body with a boy trapped in the body.
In Africa we assume a lot and we assume people who do bad intentionally do what is bad.
But I can tell you that evil is sometimes done by people with good intentions.
A man has developed himself and become so successful at work and become desirable to all sorts.
Because he had become a regular feature solving other people’s problems on TV and radio.
People naturally assume he must have everything under control and he begins to get application for mentorship.
Deep down he felt the need to truly help and mentor but little did he know there was an installed program.
And the driver of that application is a tall slim light complexioned babe and mentorship becomes affair.
He feels bad having betrayed the tenets of mentorship but he feels he must make it up by helping the babe.
But the more he sought to help the deeper he went till a mentee became a bad habit & his addiction.
Eventually they both came to their senses and two good peeps with good intentions became sworn enemies.
It becomes a scandal and the society believes he should know better but none bothers to find out the root cause.
He is suspended by RELIGION and made to face ridicule but he keeps finding himself in the same situation.
Then he runs from pillar to post and they call his problems all sorts and that includes being possessed.
Actually they were right it was only that they never knew that the possession was an installed program.
So he goes through all forms of deliverance and even binds himself to a oath never to do it again.
But still finds himself in the hands of another babe and he concludes he is cursed or under some spell.
His wife is threatning to leave him; church is seeking to excommunicate, friends are also involve.
But no one bothers to find out about the installed program whose driver activates the program.
No one sought to sit him down about how his childhood has affected his sexuality.
None saw the patterns that had been developed overtime such that he had become unconsciously competent at.
None saw how d vulnerable system of a 4year old was infected with the virus of sex addiction.
Through the flash drive of sexual abuse inserted into his system by the careless touch of a wayward aunty.
None saw how other supporting programs were installed by a careless father with porn on his i-pad.
None saw how his childhood was stolen by the adult song they all danced to during his 7th year birthday party.
None saw how his childhood was stolen by the adult song they all danced to during his 7th year birthday party.
Everyone assumed he is an adult because he is 40 but none saw the 12year old trapped in him.
But trust me it takes a trained counselor to see and help loads of men in crisis cos a lot are in crisis.
Child sexual abuse is a situation where the vulnerability of a minor is taken advantage of by a major or fellow minor.
Statistics says 1 our of every 6 boys would be abused before the age of 18.
Our interaction also shows that same sex interaction is the fastest growing habit in boys hostel at the moment.
The greatest challenge confronting our men is the fact that there is a boy in the man yearning for girls.
There is a child in the man asking for expression and wanting to try out school girls.
And that child is what runs as a program to sabotage adults who you feel should be more responsible.
How has the child you were affected the adult you have become? Was your childhood ever stolen?
The sad thing about abuse is that it takes away who you are and delivers another person to you.
Often times abused boys have no self worth and resort to deviant behavior to express their manhood.
And that is often expressed in some forms of addictive behaviour like sex addiction & even substance use.
Boys who have been abused stopped seeing themselves as beings to be respected instead they see themselves as tools to be used.
Check a secretive man who has become unconscious competent at covering his tracks you’d see abuse.
Abuse actual means abnormal use unfortunately loads of parents mess up the childhood of a child.
Loads of boys are have been messed up by wrong handling in the hands of seniors, teachers & care givers.
Now there is so much trouble because a messed up boy becomes a messed up husband & father.
So the problem may not really be the messed up father but the stolen or messed up childhood.
Often times a culture that forbids boys from crying throws up mean and heartless men without emotions.
For those men reading this the first question I’d like to ask you is what was your first exposure to sex?
I want you to dig deep and go back to who you were as a child and play the movie of your life to d point where things changed.
Were you a specimen in the hands of your house help or a play thing in the hands of your aunty?
Did you bump into your parents while having sex and have carelessly left their doors open?
Or were you that inquisitive boy who peeped through the door hole to see the adult movies careless adults watched?
Did you get introduced into sex at the camp meetings or some daddy and mummy play by kids around town?
Sexual abuse can happen either by interaction or by orientation and both are so potent in messing up a child.
Orientation is when a child listens to a lewd content or sees an adult movie that messes up his sanity.
What kind of music was played at your birthday party and what music are you playing for your boys?
The danger of sexual abuse is that it becomes a baton exchange and cyclical behavior that repeats itself.
So a boy abused often times grows into a respected man who molests younger girls who grows to molest boys.
Sometimes men don’t remember what had happened but non remembrance often times doesn’t exempt from the effect.
Sexual abuse can happen either by interaction or by orientation and both are so potent in messing up a child.
How is your life as a man at the moment and are you really who people think you are? How confident?
How confident are you when alone with opposite sex and how much can you vouch for yourself? Are you lonely or you are whole?
What are you using activities, anger, career success and designers clothes to cover up?
Sexual abuse shows up as that vacum that manifests when the right opportunity shows up and the man cracks up.
Let me say that until you are tired of being tired you may not see the need to get help.
Until you get to that point where you are tired of your patterns the stunted boy will keep sabotaging your intentions.
At the root of almost every case of sex scandal and addictive behavior is nothing but child sexual abuse.
Often times men don’t get help until a little fire becomes a furnace of scandals that messes up the man.
At the root of deviant behavior & the quest to dominate a wife & mess her esteem often times is child sexual abuse.
When a child is not allowed to grow normally he becomes a menace in the society and messes everyone up.
Have you asked yourself why good and nice people molests younger girls? Or why respected figures abuse?
Sex becomes a language of exchange & manipulation when sexual abuse is not dealt with.
And that is what manifests all over town as all forms of sex perversions.
Our world is in need of real men but how can there be real men when we don’t have real boys.
So here are my tips for men who are trapped in the closet and have been unable to come out cos of status.
What kills the rat is not the entrapment of the rat but the rats struggle to break free by itself.
That every solution you have tried hasn’t worked is proof that there are other solutions you haven’t explored.
Going out to be prayed for is good but that alone may never fill the void created through stolen childhood.
If you don’t get help and become healed we create bigger problems for the younger generation who takes after us.
So what do you need to do if your past is characterized by child sexual abuse and you are not proud of the man you have become?
Take a trip into your past & shoot a mental movie of what had gone wrong and vividly recall how it all started.
Take a trip into your past & shoot a mental movie of what had gone wrong and vividly recall how it all started.
While you may not have been d one to blame for the abuse take responsibility for the new you that must evolve from this ashes.
I’d usually recommend a proper NLP practitioner cos there are tools they have that is highly effective in assisting my clients.
Reach out to a professional counselor so that you can be taken through a procedure that helps & there are a number of such.
Commit to the process & change what things would mean to you henceforth & that includes the new you.
Nothing means anything except for the meaning we have attached to it so what would this experience mean to you?
Here are a few questions to stretch your mind: What would happen if you don’t break free from your past abuse & its effects?
What would happen if you break free from your past abuse and its effects?
What wouldn’t happen if you break free from your past abuse and its effects?
What wouldn’t happen if you wouldn’t break free from your past abuse and its effects?
I know you have been praying to God to help you so accept the help He sends in form of professionals without pulpits.
Imagine what can happen if you can become the man of your dreams that you have always desired?
What can happen if you become so powerful and have mastery over those knotty situations that has held you bound?
What if you can master anger and depression and become a desirable man to all and the best lover and dad?
What if there is an alignment between your words, thoughts and actions and your life is transparent for all to see?
What if you can break your self sabotaging patterns and become the role model you have always wanted for your child?
I know we live in a world where men are not allowed to cry but what makes a child child sometimes is the ability to cry.
So break that limiting ideology and cry for the first time if you have to. Be a child once again and feel the joys of childhood.
Step out unashamed and own up to what you are not proud of so that you can get help.
Our world need more men whose comfort can comfort others & I mean real men who are solid & can stand at all times.
Our world need more men whose comfort can comfort others & I mean real men who are solid & can stand at all times.
If you have been abused don’t abuse others & let’s all join hands together to bear one another’s burden.
Help is readily available & I’d be willing to hold your hands to walk you through recovery.
Every self sabotaging programs installed in your vulnerable system can be uninstalled but you must be willing.
Your entire system can be reformatted with a new you that makes God proud delivered to you.
Will you be God’s kind of man who is a solution to the world or would you remain a problem?
If you are truly sincere with yourself & brutally honest with the hidden man God will surely send help but you must utilize it.
At the end of the day you can’t keep blaming your past; you must rise above it and stand to be counted.
I won't end this without explaining the need for all of us to empower our present day boys lest they become worse than us.
And that is why we advocate for empowerment through education as against enforcement through the laws.
And that is why we advocate for empowerment through education as against enforcement through the laws.
There is what to teach your boy n other to empower him against child sexual abuse and it starts from 18months.
From ages 18months to 3years you teach my body and I where you introduce them to body parts & body parts protection.
From 3-5 you introduce them to curiosity and I where they learn RESPECT & the for golden rules of the body.
From 5-7 they learn about awareness and I where you teach identity, world changers, values & friendships and I.
From 8-12 you teach life is good & as preteens you redefine every reproductive organs in ways that can effect human behaviour.
Please note that there is what to teach from January to December of every year and there is a kit you can request for.
That kit covers your child for 18years & testimonies abound of how this has empowered a lot of boys against sexual abuse.
You will not always be around your boys but once they are adequately empowered you have nothing to fear.
Frederik Douglas said it is better to build a child than to be trying to repair adults(paraphrase)
If we all play our part in empowering every boy against sexual abuse we would have raised sane boys who become sane men.
It is our collective responsibility to kick out child sexual abuse through enlightment so each one of us must teach 10 others.
Thanks so much for this amazing platform I deeply appreciate it and I honour you.
Thanks to @Bunmi_Sobowale once again & God bless everyone for joining us tonight.
Praise Fowowe is a husband, father and a maverick whose name is synonymous to Sex and Sexuality Education, Relationship and Marital Harmony. Talk show host and author....ENIGMAtic YEAST. You can connect with him on twitter......
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